What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
11.06.2025 03:28
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
What are some questions obviously just asked for sexual gratification?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
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One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I waited trembling.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
What is the worst name in Tolkien’s legendarium (meaning and look)?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
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Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Why cant a narcissist admit when they are wrong?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
When she asked me how she looked .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Why do you think Democrat favorability ratings are so low?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She married twice! .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
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Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Put me off passion for life!!
Why am I so tired of the keto diet?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I know ,a lot about trauma.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I will be 64.
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But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
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She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
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My life is so biszare .
It was going to be , some day.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
My family never makes their pension either.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
One cannot live in the past .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She found it foreign!.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I could never make a relationship work though!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I was very sick at this time too.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I think the readers, may guess!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
What did i know ?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Who then, do I blame.?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Was to survive, this bastard.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I said to her
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Ive learnt so much.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
All the time i was locked up.
I was scared of men, in general
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
We all went to grammer schools
This is soul school!.
I don,t even have a pension.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Especially a lifetime of it.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I write beautiful poetry .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She was in good health!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
So whats the point in blame.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She loved him until the end.
She wouldn,t have been !
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
And i lived it daily.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I was seconnd youngest,
He resisted the act ,that day.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
So, i spoilt her more .
But it wasn’t much.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Comes on , in middle age.
We were not on the streets..
But ive been too sick for many years..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I have no regrets .
But, we were locked up after school.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Would this be the day?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I was 9 years of age.
He knew the spot.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I couldn’t, believe it.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Im still living with it.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
As i do to all so called friends.?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.